Saturday, August 13, 2022

The 1st Annual Mike Baker Banked Slalom

Mike Baker gets a pep talk from Andrew Mutty. It’s explained if he speed checks, falls or I beat his time, he’s a pussy. Photos: Jared Souney

It’s the third weekend of March, 2013 and you know what that means. Yep. Everyone’s completely over the fact the US Open moved to Vail. In fact, the resilient and resourceful members of the East Coast snowboard community have been busy so planning their own events, they clearly forgot to talk to each other about it, and and the result is more god damn events than one weekend can handle — none of which feature bag checks.

People keep saying “no one cares about the East Coast,” but hot damn almost 90 people showed up for this nonsense.

The festivities kicked off at Ragged Mountain in New Hampshire with the 1st Annual Mike Baker Banked Slalom, where the dirtiest of New Hampshire dirts congregated to give each other a ton of shit and race down the hill. It’s been established at this point that Banked Slaloms are the new rail jam — the go-to event if you wanna get people together and have a good time, and with a name like Mike Baker leading the charge, this was a no brainer.

Jared got all sort of artsy on the photos, and if I wasn’t a jerk, I would probably know who this is.

As with any good ol’ New Hampsha event, the gauntlet was where the real fun went down. On the most technical turn of the course, a right hand berm that shot you up hill to a tight left one, competitors gathered one by one after finishing their final run to heckle, pelt the passing riders with ice chunks and beer cans, and generally cause a scene. Only one person seemed upset (and rightly so, the newly placed ice boulders did cause him to crash dramatically into the fence) but the unsympathetic NHD’s just shrugged it off. “That’s why you take your runs early, guy.”

Beware the gauntlet. the NHD’s (and Josh who is actually from VT) give no fucks.

Even though the final results seemed the least of most people’s concern, there were goods up for grabs. $500 for first place overall, a Gucci bag from Concepts for the ladies, and free pig roast for the top 20 fastest times. There was also free PBR in the bar upstairs for everyone, so that’s cool.

This is Chris Carr. He definitely went the fastest (that’s not just camera tricks) and even scored some cash money for his efforts.

Due to some kinks in the timing system, the run times ended up being combined, instead of the best of format that was promised. After some feigned outrage, everyone pretty much realized it didn’t matter and in the end, Chris Carr won the Open Division, Aaron Diamond topped 30+ and Taylor Owen won for chicks. Most importantly, Michael Mazzella got dead last, which means he gets a NHD tattoo. It’s possible he will have to give it to himself.

For FULL RESULTS Clickety click

Ian’s last name is “Feliney” which is so cat-like I sort of want to marry him just so that is my last name. But I won’t. LOVE YOU JARED.

If you grew up on the East Coast in the 90s, the name Sky Emmons Shaw would mean something to you. If you didn’t, he’s just another dude doing a turn. Whatever.

Preston Strout took his jacket off because he saw Terje do it at the Dirksen Derby. Then he realized Terje got 12th at the Dirksen Derby, and fell both runs anyway.

Brandon Reis prefers entry from the rear.

Mike Baker put on his game face and came in second to Aaron Diamond in the 30+. In other words, he should have tried harder.

Mike Rav turned 24! Happy birthday, guy.

The gauntlet was not for the wussy, but it didn’t matter cause everyone had to go through it anyway.

There were only two major gauntlet related incidents — this dude who crashed and another who got hit in the face with an ice ball. What are you gonna do, guy?

Jared went all Rembrant with the beer cans. Don’t worry, they were cleaned up and returned for 5 cents each, which is actually how Mike Baker is paying to get home.

Apparently there are open container laws at Ragged Mountain, so please do not try to replicate this photo.

If you think this photo is cool, you should see Aaron Diamond’s ass bruise.


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March 16, 2013 5:34 am

Yo Brooke im 23!

March 16, 2013 6:04 am
Reply to  mikerave

Shit, I remember making the blink 182 joke and everything!! Sorry Mike.

March 16, 2013 5:54 am

you can totally take my last name

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March 16, 2013 6:14 am

The unknown rider might just be Jeff Rumore who didn’t come in last!

March 16, 2013 9:26 am

Fastest time slowest thrown out. 1 run counted . A skier fucked that up! AARON DIAMOND AINT THAT FAST>>>HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA nhd for life!

Jib Wood
March 17, 2013 6:43 am

happy birthday, rav!

March 18, 2013 6:19 am

Throwing hammers in the call out division, Brooke.

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