It’s the American dream, having your kids get rich enough to support you! Think about it: you buy them some gear, coddle them a little bit in the early years, and then it’s a free ride for you as their career takes off. And now that it’s 2010, the best path to surefire wealth is a snowboard career. After all, snowboarding is easy enough, it’s still relatively small, but there are big companies pumping plenty of money into it. We decided it was time to map out a little plan for aspiring snowboard moms to ensure the success of their child — natural skill or not!
1. Start young (see above video)
Nevermind the fact 1-year-old Ava Marie can’t fall over because her boots come up so high they prevent her from bending her knees, she is well on her way to snowboard super stardom. Standards for toddler snowboarders are low, so in case your child has no actual skills, it’s important to get them out there right away. A Youtube success like this one can put your kid on the map. Admit it, you’ve already seen this video on someone’s Facebook.
2. Come up with a good story
The age thing is cool, but it’s only a matter of time until someone straps their even younger child into a snowboard. Plus, they grow up so fast. Living in a van worked for Shaun White, so try that, or come up with something more clever. You will have to make some sacrifices now so that your future will be more glamorous.
3. Get an agent
Once you’ve got some footage and a story to tell, it’s time to shop around for sponsors. But just sending off the video to Burton yourself won’t do. Find an agent who already has the needed connections, and preferably has a soft spot for young, adorable children. They’ll entice the media outlets with the story of your amazing child prodigy and talk the talk to get the big money sponsors.
4. Start hooking up with Pro Snowboarders
Everyone likes a fun mom. You should get your reputation established before your kid gets to old to not need you to travel with them anymore. If you are a dad looking to help your youngin’, you’ll have to go the other route of buying underage kids beer.
5. Get them on the Burton program early
If your kid isn’t getting boxes from Burton by age 5, you might as well give it up. But if your wonder-agent can make it happen, success is basically a sure thing (so long as your kid figures out how to ride pipe.) Once your kid is on Burton, they’ll do the heavy lifting when it comes to training and travel arrangements.
6. Stay involved, but not too involved
After awhile, you’ll have to give your kid some space or you’ll be known as an over bearing parent and feared by team managers everywhere. Do things like running their twitter account and answering their interview questions, so they can concentrate on partying and/or learning new tricks. These are good ways to show your support and further their career without being annoying.
7. Sit back and watch the checks roll in.
You might have to cry in their reality show, and wave a banner at the bottom of the X Games halfpipe, but for the most part your work is done. Now your overly appreciative, super pro child will support you, no questions asked. Yep, it’s that simple!
What if we have no children? Would you recommend stealing one?
Lots of screaming, dont forget lots of screaming, jobs should never be fun kiddo now get out there and learn that switch triple cork or Im taking away your SpongeBob dvd’s.
she’s got a dope wide stance in that vid
she is the next pete wast, she did the entire thing switch!
Who does that kid ride for? is her mother willing to bypass school and let me enter that small child in contests all over the country? Does anyone know how that child reacts to negative yelling and repeatedly being told, “I don’t know if you’re gonna make it, you’re getting pretty old… maybe think about ice hockey next winter”
that’s disgusting, she’s living only her parents dream
this bitch aint got nothing on me
Parents are making kids do crazy stuff, early. Check out this 3 year old hitting jumps and boxes-
o bummer no MGMT
ummmm it deforms the child to have it snowboard that young apparantly
Who does she think she is with that hat? Ryan Paul?
Dad’s got talent with the camera. Nice follow cams.
Bravo Brooke, how’d you get that pic of the super secret Burton Uber babies!?!? I thought their eugenic cloning program was under wraps? Beware of the sway-denim secret police!
One of our investigative reporters actually took that photo awhile back. We tried to expose that shit, but it was before anyone read the site. http://www.yobeat.com/2009/03/23/the-future-of-snowboarding/
Would you…….?
it seriously makes me want to teach my cat to snowboard… i think if i can find the right boots it could happen
I was just stoked to see it resurface, Kudos!