Hump Day Goes to Casa Diablo with Blake Axelson

This interview took well over three hours to complete, because apparently Blake Axelson decided that he would type out all of his answers on his phone rather than get out a computer. Don’t worry, it won’t take nearly as long to read and if you really want, you can just skip ahead to the question about Casa Diablo, where Blake gives maybe a few too many details. But seriously, an adopted member of the Gerard family, Blake has manged to hone his snowboarding at least well enough to put together a well-rounded part not often seen from a rider his age, which hit the net this week.

What happened to your butt last season?

Oh boy, so I was chillin, skating and biffed it, as usual. My butt was hurting worst pain ever like 3 days later. Come to find out got a fat cyst down there. Time goes on, had to get surgery once. It didn’t help, went in again at the beginning of this summer and got it all fixed up! Now I’m puss free.

Disgusting. Do you always do yoga before snowboarding?

Can’t even, I did it once. With a girl. Couldn’t even snowboard after.

Explain.

Okay haha, this girl I really like let me know she was going to hot yoga in the next morning. I was like shit might as well I have time before everyone’s up. Rolled over to her house, picked her up and she was hyped. So go to the yoga studio, everyone looked at me way weird. So we started getting into it, everyone is super relaxed and I can’t even bend. Get out of that place and start having a bloody nose in my car, nothing to clean it up. Go to her house, clean up and cruise back to hotel quick. Everyone is ready to snowboard and I can barely walk.

So i’ll take that as a no. What do you think about Lick The Cat?

Never again. Some of those guys are rad as fuck and I love to watch them snowboard. Some of the others disgust me and I can’t even watch. Not gonna name names.

What are you so disgusted about? You don’t have to name names, but you have to at least tell me what you’re talking about.

There are 2 in particular, they have terrible style and people probably sit at their computer jizzing over them. I am not saying mine’s better by any means. I just hate when people that are actually deserving don’t get the attention they deserve and people that associate with a certain group get more then they deserve.

So is that what its all about? Attention? Because people have been riding their friend’s coattails to the top in snowboarding forever. Some people might say you’re riding the Gerard coattails. How did you become an honorary Gerard?

Exactly, snowboarding has a lot of butt buddies and it needs little feuds here and there to make it interesting. I bet people do. I met Red and Malachi like two years ago. We just got along real well. I lived in Summit County for a winter and we would ride everyday, it just became the norm. I stayed with them one summer a bit long cause I broke my arm in half and couldn’t work at home. Then, last fall I was just at their house so much and had my own bed in the closet through the winter when I was there. Their family has been so amazing and I try to do as much as I can to give back to them.

photo Takashi Hanaska/ courtesy Arbor Snowboards

What’s it like having Brenden Gerard as a surrogate older brother?

It is rad, he is the man! I love giving him shit. Doesn’t always work cause he has better come backs. Any haters of that boy are stupid.

Does Red do anything weird when he is sleeping?

Oh my God haha, so many things. Sometimes he will fall asleep early when you’re kickin’ it and randomly sit up and start talking to you. He also sleeps with his eyes not all the way shut. Love you Red 😉

How was the trip to Japan while filming for the Arbor Postcard Series last year?

That was the coolest place I have ever been, the people are so incredible. You can eat an entire day at 7 eleven. The clubs are rad, Erik (Leon) and I got wasted off what tasted like Sprite. Oh and the pow was the best pow I have ever snowboarded in!

Did you get a rub n tug?

Maybe or maybe not

Ok, I’ll take that as a yes. Who got the most rub n tugs?

Hmmm,  I would say but it might ruin his marriage.

Yeah, that might be too far. What was the best part of the trip?

Probably the day we rode head-high pow all day and then heard there was a party at the club. Erik and I saw that beer was 5 bucks and were like naw. So we went to the 7 eleven loaded up on chew-hi and started shotgunning them. We ran out and went to a vending machine and grabbed as many as we could fit in our arms. Best time!

How about the worst part of the trip?

Having to deal with some drama between a few people.

People are the worst. Worst rub and tug of the trip?

The last night Erik and I were rooming together and yung Tyler Lynch was kicking it. His roommate, aka the married one, was having at it and Tyler was stuck in our room for the night on the floor. No good.

photo Takashi Hanaska/ courtesy Arbor Snowboards

I hear you are quite the ladies man yourself. What’s your secret? Do chicks still dig snowboarders?

Haha I don’t think so, I mean I usually just get drunk and have a good time. I always seem to meet people though. Kai and I were hanging with like 4 milfs the other night. That was funny. If girls like snowboarders they’re dumb and probably have an STD.

How’s your Tinder game?

I would say my game sucks but I always get matches! Probably cause all I do is swipe right. I especially love the girls with longboards in their photos!

How many girls have you met up with off Tinder?

I think like 3 or 4, I took one on a date and we just made out the whole time. We needed a ride from SLC to PC once and one of the hottest ones picked us up and got us to PC fo free!

Boom. Tinder wins again. Did you really wear the same outfit every day last season?

Oh yeah, it was the comfiest thing! I didn’t want to wear a jacket or just a sweatshirt so I wore a Carhartt button up over a hoodie. Then my black Homeschool snow pants. Oh and my Vans boots. It all smelt terrible some days. Just trying to get on my boi Billy Mackey’s level.

You got some new Dickies though. Tell me about those.

I love them! My dad handed me down a pair and I instantly fell in love. So I went over to Walmart and swooped another pair. They are the best, great fit, never blowout, and hide smells.

Photo: Aaron Dodds

Did Sean Black really make you put a double cork in your part?

Of course, I had finished the whole thing and I liked it. I sent it to Sean and he said it needed one. I didn’t want it in at all. I mean, sure I can do it, but it is still whack. Back double mute, whoopty do. Kids at Breck do them all day, every day. I only do it cause I suck and can’t do anything else.

Why does Sean Black hate you? 

Probably because I hate everything he wants me to do. He tells me to move to SLC because everyone’s there. Place is whack. I want to be where no one is and just snowboard with my friends.

Why do you think Utah is whack?

Pretty much everyone there is bland and they don’t have many interests outside snowboarding or skiing or skating. There are so many other things in this world to do.

Speaking of other things, with you riding for Arbor I think the obvious question on everyone’s minds is do you get free longboards? What about wakeboards?

Naw, but you know I heard land sup boarding is trending, maybe I can jump on the band wagon. I have seen Mark Mcmorris and Seb Toots wake vids. If that’s how you make the big bucks, I better snag one.

I can tell you from experience, there is no money in wakeboarding. All those guys were rich to begin with. Speaking of rich, you’re going to Fiji? How do you afford such things? 

My mom and soon to be husband have been working a ton to make it happen. Fiji is where they wanted their wedding.

Are you afraid of getting Ebola?

Naw it’s no biggie, I would be dead and have no worries.

photo Takashi Hanaska/ courtesy Arbor Snowboards

What is Mobbin Wear?

It was a little company that I started, to get my friends some facemasks and hats. It was going well but I just ran out of money and time to make everything happen so now it is more or less a vimeo account for all our videos. It will come back eventually.

What happened at Casa Diablo during Superpark last year?

Ok, let me start from the beginning. It was a rain day at Superpark and the team split some to go skate and myself, Matt patti, Matt Devino, and Nate the filmer to go to Hood River and get drunk. So we started our way down jamming out and rolled up to the first brewery, we all ordered the taste tray to get the day going. After that we figured might as well go to another. Got to the next had a quick bite and some more beers. Then we wanted to continue so we went to the next brewery and got some more beers. Then we heard the rest of the crew was rolling our way. They met up with is at the brewery and we had some more beers. Then we went back to one we had been at, had some more and decided that we should go to the strip club they had been raving about, Casa diablo. Half the crew dipped home. The rest of us convinced Sammy Spits to be the DD. He finally said okay. We grabbed two 12-packs of beer and made our way to Portland.

We show up to this ghetto place in the middle of nowhere. I walked up pulled out my fake and sent it, the guy was skeptical but let me in. We almost all got in except Tom Lippen, who rolled up with an empty beer bottle and a hole in his ID, he didn’t make it in. He was stuck in the car the whole night.

This was my first strip club experience so I was hyped, roll to the bar and swoop a drink and got some 2 dollar bills back. Found a place to post up, went and got another drink and then saw a cutie and sent it to the stage. Tossed 2 bucks down to sit and chilled. Someone tossed some money for me and the girl comes over grabs my head with her leg and puts my face in her pussy and continues to rub up on me. Shit was wild. Anyway, we continue on and talk with some of the strippers. One comes to our table to kick it and we do a few shots before she goes on stage. Another girl comes to are table, she is hot and she’s like come with me and I will give you a lap dance. I grab the little cash I had and sent it to the back. She is rubbing up on me and talking oh so nice. That comes to an end and I am bummed. Go back out and there is this big black girl with a pink tool box on the pole. She opens it up and it is full of dildos and vibrators. She goes ham with ’em dancing, using them and all.

I was scoping this girl the whole time, not a stripper. I grab her and started making out with her. Then she went somewhere came back and we went at it again. I guess behind me some guy was pissed cause I swooped his girl. In the meantime my other buddy was craving the big black girl and paid to go in the back. She opened her pink tool box up and through a vibrator in her vag and started giving him a lap dance. Then she put on under his butt and kept going. I took my girl outside and started fingering her then we rolled to her place, but she wasn’t down when we got there. So I was stranded in the middle of a sketchy place while he was getting it on. It took them like an hour to come swoop me. We were out til like 4 or 5. Between everyone there was a solid grand spent.

Haha sounds like a pretty typical night in Portland to me. 

God damn, guess I know where I’m moving.

Don’t, this is where snowboarders come to die. The mountain is too far away. Also, there are no jobs and no where to live. Do you still have your fake ID?

Naw, it is funny I lost it within the last two weeks. I went to a spot in Breck called Liquid Lounge. Been in there a bunch and it is ok. But this time the bouncer was not having it. His friend was wasted next to him trying to fight me and I was down. But nothing happened, all talk. Yolo no jobs, no life.

photo Takashi Hanaska/ courtesy Arbor Snowboards

So, do you think you’ll make it as a professional snowboarder?

Honestly probably not, I feel like I am not even close to as good as some people out there. I mean I just watched Dillon Ojo’s part and Blake Paul’s. They are insane. Actually the entire Snowboarder movie and Videograss ones are both outstanding.

Well, on that note, want to give thanks to the people supporting your deadend career?

Yeah for sure, first thank you for this interview haha. thank you to my mom and dad, the entire Gerard family, Sean black, Matt Patti, Stephen duke, brad farmer, Erik Leon, Sammy Spiteri, Matt Devino, Scotty vine, Ben McKee, Ezra Racine, Matt Genovese, all the knowbuddys, and I am sure I forgot some but you are all G’s thanks!